Ponderings...

Raising two boys this close together is a lot of hard work, very physical and demanding in a lot of ways and I find myself continually trying so hard to "make something fun happen" for them. And I'm not gonna lie -- it can get strenuous!! And with babies it usually goes something like this: spend an hour getting ready to go, making sure we have all the diapers, wipes, clothes, necessary equipment, etc., once all that is done and you're finally ready one of many things happens before you make it into the car and out the door: baby loses it, needs to nurse (even though you just nursed him), he's tired, poops, spits up all over the cute outfit you laboriously picked out, etc., etc....ahhhh!

Sometime during this process I usually start stressing about little Conner, worried that I'm not doing enough for him, that it's taking so long to get out the door that maybe we won't even get out, etc., and it'll break his little heart (slightly exaggerated).

Then usually I'll glance over or he'll tug on me and say "Mama, Mama, look!" and there he is finding excitement, fun and joy in something, anything that he can and it's not even dawned on him that we're furiously trying to get out the door to do something more fun. To him, he making the most of this moment, regardless of what is going on around him, no matter what I'm stressing about and recently I've stopped to watch such occasions and it's taught me so much!!

I've realized that sometimes I get so caught up in trying to make him happy, when all along he's been happy and finding fun in every instance, in any situation.

Boy oh boy!

I often think about this now and have decided I want to be more like this. I guess that's why kids are more often than not so happy and it doesn't take much. They've learned to find joy in the little, everyday things, the "normal" moments and it's an art I feel I lose sight of in always trying to "do more" to make them happy, or getting caught up in the emotions of what's going on around me.

And I think perhaps we all can be like that. Mothers are usually trying to find new and better things to do with our kids to the point of stressing or wearing ourselves out, sometimes I think we do this because we feel that it makes us better mothers (though I know that's not the only reason). And while there is nothing wrong with this and I'm sure I'll continue to do this, I'm also going to try to not rush through so much of life to where I lose sight of those little more "normal" moments and learn to find joy and fun in those too, sometimes I will give up my big plans of grandeur to sit down next to my little ones in the midst of everything else going on to stop and enjoy the little pleasures alongside him.

Well, I don't know if this makes much sense to anyone else, but it was something that came to me and if it can help one other person, I'm content.